According to Rush Limbaugh, if a woman is on birth control she is “a slut.” And according to Kirk Cameron, gay people are “unnatural.” And according to Ron Paul if you live in a tornado zone you should just shut up and get “insurance” because the victims don’t deserve any federal aid. I’ve waited a few days to rant on these topics simply because with the way the douche-baggery has been ramped up as of late I was waiting to see if Sean Hannity would pull a trump card and rape and eat a golden retriever on live television. Since the canine rape/eat factor hasn’t come into play as of late, I’ll just go ahead and fire off some salvos of aggression.
RUSH: Roll the Bone(head)sAs far as Limbaugh goes, he’s an asshole. Plain and simple. See, unlike Limbaugh, I let people’s actions define who they are and then I call them like I see them. Rush had never met Sandra Fluke, never spoke with her, never was in the presence of her, and he called her a slut and whore because she had the audacity to speak out in favor of birth control in front of congress. There is no proof that she’s a slut, nor is there proof that she’s a whore. However, there is ample evidence to suggest that Limbaugh is an asshole.
See, one aspect of being an asshole is being a hypocrite. Limbaugh said that all drug addicts need to be deported, but then got busted a few years later for buying hefty amounts of oxycontin to feed his drug habit. See? Asshole by way of hypocrisy.
Another aspect of being an asshole is to be an accusatory dickhead without any basis in fact or reality. He accused Michael J. Fox of “acting” and “shaking all around” in an ad that supported stem cell research. He basically said Fox was faking his Parkinson’s Disease just to get people to vote in favor of stem cell research. Asshole by way of accusation.
But then again, maybe Rush knew what he was talking about. After all, if there’s one person that knows what it’s like to be off of pills, it’s Rush Fucking Limbaugh.
Rush has since apologized to Fluke, but Fluke, rightfully, didn’t accept it. And of course a part of his “apology” cites him as saying that by calling Fluke a slut and a whore, he “sank to level of the left.” And here we come to yet another aspect of being an asshole: a detachment from reality. Where is there proof of someone on the left accusing a person of being a slut or a whore when they just want to use birth control? And, frankly, in Limbaugh’s logic, if a woman who uses birth control is a slut, does that mean that a man who uses condoms is a rapist? Or if the guy pulls out, is he engaging in behavior akin to a coward? Or if he has a vasectomy, does this mean he had a sex change operation? In Limbaugh’s twisted little mind, yes, these things are probably true.
So we can deduce, ladies and gentlemen, that there is no basis in fact to call Sandra Fluke a slut, but there is ample evidence to infer that Rush Limbaugh is an asshole. See? Logic can be fun!
CAPT. KIRKKirk Cameron is also an asshole. Again I can infer this because every time he opens his mouth he sounds like an asshole.
Recently on Piers Morgan’s show, Cameron said that homosexuality basically is “ultimately destructive so many of the foundations of civilization.” He apparently fell asleep in history class when they spoke about those stupid little things called the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, the Salem witch trials, the rise of the Third Reich, the Great Purges, Maoism, Pol Pot, and some other shit that caused some hiccups throughout the course of humanity.
See, I’ve hated Kirk Cameron for awhile. Back in the 90s when he found Jesus (who had apparently been in Orange County the WHOLE TIME!) he started prancing around on the set of his shitty show, “Growing Pains”, like a self-righteous prima donna. Whenever there were storylines that involved some aspect of sex, Cameron would act like a prick and accuse ABC of peddling porn, and then he’d threaten to quit the show, etc. etc. Then, in 1990, when it was revealed that actress Julie McCullough had posed in “Playboy” (she was Playmate of the Month, Feb. 1986) he had her fired and said, basically, that she was going to Hell, thus helping eradicate her career.
Nice move, asshole.
Oh, and then there’s the way he handled his friend’s disappearance. Back in Feb. 2010, actor Andrew Koenig went missing. Koening played Boner on “Growing Pains” and slipped into deep depression years later (probably because he played Boner on “Growing Pains”). When he failed to catch a plane back to California from Vancouver, his family filed a missing person’s report.
Cameron went on CNN and asked his friend to come back home and said that he would be praying for his return. God apparently was too busy helping sports teams win a game because Koenig was found hanging from a tree in Stanley Park. His death was ruled a suicide.
Cameron said that he was continuing to pray for Koenig’s family, but said nothing about Koenig, probably because his ardent religious beliefs lead him to think that Koenig is in Hell. Again, nice move, asshole.
RON PAUL (George and Ringo)And now we come to Ron Paul, a man who says that people who live in tornado zones shouldn’t get federal aid money because they should already have insurance (even the poor, unemployed, and underemployed) and federal money isn’t really “money” because it’s just stolen from the states and workers. No seriously. He said that.
I like some of Ron Paul’s stances. I think the IRS needs to be ended and sovereign nations shouldn’t be invaded and our money should be spent wisely and not stupidly. I also like that he’s against the Patriot Act, domestic spying, and for lowering taxes. But as far as his stances on abortion and separation of church and state, he’s a penis-face.
And really what kind of chafes my teats about his whole ideology in not wanting to help the tornado victims is that it violates something that his boss once said.
“Sell all that you have and distribute it to the poor.”
And by his boss I mean Jesus Christ.
That’s a bad Christian, Mr. Paul. Bad, bad Christian.
