The Gayest Things I've Heard in Football Commentary This Week: Part 1

Yes, we all know about the lousy officiating, and how some of the coaches and players are livid about the shitty calls made by the replacement refs.

Pictured: Bill Belichick and a retarded person




But have you heard - I mean REALLY HEARD - what the commentators say during a game? If taken just slightly out of context, some of their comments could mean drastically different things.

So this is why I've decided to start a new blog entry dedicated to THE GAYEST THINGS I'VE HEARD IN FOOTBALL THIS WEEK.

And by "gay" I don't mean the derogatory way stupid assholes use it in conversation. No, I mean in the this-dude-sounds-like-he-wants-to-make-sweet-love-to-that-other-dude kind of way.

Pictured: Dude I would make sweet love to.





So, here it is. The first installment of THE GAYEST THINGS I'VE HEARD IN FOOTBALL COMMENTARY THIS WEEK.




FIRST UP: THE DETROIT LIONS/TENNESSEE TITANS GAME, SUNDAY, SEPT. 23

as heard on Detroit's 97.1 FM radio

“You’ve gotta bang that guy off. You can’t let him release like that.” @ 3:25 mark, in the third quarter.

“Calvin (Johnson, Detroit receiver) is beatin’ his jam…! You’ve gotta beat the jam, gotta get your release!” @ 1:14, third quarter

“He’s stiff ramming his way to the zone!” @ :36, fourth quarter

(In reference to quarterback Sean Hill)“He needed 12 inches and he didn’t get it.” @6:41 in overtime




SECOND UP: THE BALTIMORE RAVENS/NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS GAME, SUNDAY, SEPT. 23

as heard on NBC TV

(In reference to Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco) “The quickness of his release (was great). Some guys, five-nine, five-ten, can’t release that quick. But he knows how to use his hands rather well!” – courtesy of NFL commentator Joe Buck (which is coincidentally the name of Jon Voight’s male prostitute character in “Midnight Cowboy”).

Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed this first installment, you goddamn pervert. Stop by next week for more hot, implied dude on dude action.

P.S. I went an entire blog without using the word "fuck"! My language is starting to...

Never mind.