A Short List of Other Things the Church Advocated Burning
By Mike McHone
Pastor Terry Jones of the Dove World Outreach Center out of Gainesville, Florida decided that it would be a good idea to burn copies of the Quran on September 11th. Now, what’s really strange about this is the fact that I thought Terry Jones of “Monty Python” played a good idiot; turns out he’s been usurped.
Burning books is never a good idea (unless, of course, you’re a Nazi, in which case it still isn’t a good idea and you should do the world a favor and die, you moron). The whole business is odd, appalling, shameful, and, let’s face it, on a really windy day it could lead to a fire safety violation and Jesus doesn’t like lawbreakers. But, of course, this isn’t the first time the church has advocated burning things. Here are a few others…
Jews during the Spanish Inquisition
Christians killed the Jews because the Jews wouldn’t convert to Christianity and accept Jesus, a Jew, as the savior. So, just to reiterate, Christians killed Jews because those Jews wouldn’t worship a particular Jew. This is why I drink.
Joan of Arc
They burned her at the stake and then they made her a saint. Now that’s what you call multitasking! (Well, we got a nice Leonard Cohen song out of it, so there’s that.)
People accused of practicing witchcraft
This occurred in Europe mainly. A common misconception is that many – quote, unquote – “witches” were burned at the stake in Salem, Mass. This never occurred. Of course many people were drowned, crushed, hanged, or drawn and quartered, but I digress.
Beatles albums
This occurred after John Lennon said, in a 1966 interview, that “the Beatles are bigger than Jesus Christ”. Technically, John wasn’t lying considering no gospel group ever outsold the Beatles and Jesus never had a number one album. To show you how hypocritical this country can be, no one ever batted an eye when a rabidly drunk Don Henley said, in a 1976 interview, that “the Eagles are bigger than Vishnu” or when Keith Richard reportedly said “Rssssss blaaaaaaph n’gerg nnnnnnn mmf.”
Crosses at night
Now, I'm not saying that all churches advocated this, just a few of them in the south whose faith was so strong in the teachings of love and tolerance in their lord Jesus Christ that they wanted to kindly share it with their black neighbors... and then hang them. Ah, you wacky believers! What will you think of next?!
