The Beatles Rock Band

To celebrate the Fab Four's version of Rock Band, I've come up with a list as to WHY they're the greatest band ever. I know, I know, you're probably sick of reading lists and you probably might think to yourself, "Hey, I really could have sex with my own cousin." Well, that's your own demented row to how, buster. Anyhoozle, here are just a few random reasons the Beatles kick ass:

1.) 20 Number One Hits on the Billboard Pop Charts. No one touches them in this area. The only one that comes close is Elvis. What's weird is, Elvis had more number one hits in the UK, the Beatles homeland!

2.) They have sold more physical albums than any other entity on planet Earth, to the tune of 1,010,000,000 albums. Yeah. Billion. BILLION!!! With a B. That includes all LPs, cassettes, CDs, singles, and so forth. This DOES NOT include stuff purchased online. So, technically, we could estimate that, if we were to spead it around, 1/3 of the human race could own something by the Beatles... Yeah. Your favorite band sounds like a failure now, doesn't it?

3.) Not only did they dominate the music charts, the also had a hand in giving a shot of cool into the film industry and television industry. The Ed Sullivan Show's ratings were off the damn charts when they appeared in Nov. of 1964, and "A Hard Days Night" is considered one of the greatest films ever made. Now, only if Rob Zombie could realize this and stop raping our eyes with his celluloid idiocy....

4.) They changed the game for pop/rock songwriters. Taking a cue from Bob Dylan, the Beatles knew the importance of writing their own material. In fact, they were the first highly successful rock band to have major hits with their own material. Before them, the only people to do that were in the area of folk or rockabilly. It sounds really weird to hear that nowadays: writing your own songs and performing them? What's so special about that?

The overwhelming majority of Elvis' hits were written for him, and even though a guy like Johnny Cash wrote a good hunk of his own output, about half of his successful songs were either covers or written for him ("Ring of Fire" being the biggest). But the Beatles are the band that, in terms of written songs versus output, have, by far, the most success. John, Paul, George, and Ringo, in other words, made it okay for a rock band to put out their own material using their own words. So, technically, it wouldn't be that far off base to say that when it comes to songwriting in rock and roll, you have the stuff before the Beatles, the Beatles, and everyone after the Beatles. Thanks, guys!

5.) They prove marijuana can have a potentially positive effect. The Beatles smoked their first joints when they met up with Bob Dylan in late 1964 and Paul McCartney has claimed that after that encounter the Beatles' and his personal songwriting style changed. It's true. After that day, Paul went and wrote "I'll Follow the Sun", and if that damn song doesn't touch you you're a heartless bastard. From that point forth the Beatles lost their kid gloves and started tackling heavy subjects like adultry ("Norweigan Wood"), reflection ("In My Life"), murder ("Run for Your Life"), government ("Taxman"), lonliness ("Eleanor Rigby"), drugs ("Dr. Robert"), frustration ("I'm Only Sleeping"), childlike goofiness ("Yellow Submarine"), and abstract experimentation ("Strawberry Fields Forever"). From that one encounter with Dylan, they explored other regions and subject matters and this laid the ground work for...

6.) "Revolver". This is considered by many to be not only the Beatles' greatest album, but the greatest rock album ever. Period. Bar none. Obvious it's all a matter of opinion and choice, but whatever. Every track on this album is a masterpiece. "She Said, She Said", "And Your Bird Can Sing", "Tomorrow Never Knows", "Good Day Sunshine", "For No One"... It's straight ahead, yet experimental, which leads us to...

7.) "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band". This is not an album. This is an icon. Take this anywhere in the world and chances are someone will recognize it. The cover alone is worthy of a doctorial disseration. This is not a song collection that you just put on and tap your toes to, or clean the house to, or drive to. No, this thing requires your full undivided attention. Aside from the Beach Boys' "Pet Sounds" (which was the main influence for "Pepper"), this was the first time that anything associated with rock and roll was also considered "artistic". This made it safe for guys like Frank Zappa (who also influenced the Beatles to some extent - and who later poked fun at "Pepper"'s cover with the Mother's "We're Only in it for the Money" - an album that both Lennon and McCartney reportedly loved), the Velvet Underground, and Pink Floyd secure their standing in the world of rock. Again, thank you guys!

8.) Everything they accomplished was accomplished in four-and-a-half years! Really, the Beatles were around since the early, early 60s, slugging it out in bars in Hamburg and the Cavern Club in Liverpool. They got their record contract in 1962 and released their first single "Love Me Do" toward the end of that year and their first full-length album "Please Please Me" was released the following year. The Beatles said to themselves and their management that they would not set foot in America until they had a number one hit there. Then, on Janurary of 1964, they had that hit with "I Wanna Hold Your Hand". From then on, all hell broke loose. During 1964, the rest of the world took notice, they made their legendary apperance on "Ed Sullivan", and during one week the Lads from Liverpool secured the top five spots on the Billboard Hot 100. No other band in history has had such a successful run in one year, artistically or financially.

And really, even though their last album wasn't released until 1970, and their collections "Past Masters Vol. 1 and 2" and the red and blue albums (1962 - 1966, and 1967 - 1970) were released in the mid 70s and were major hits in and of themselves, the Beatles called it a day, really, in 1969. Name another band that changed the face of popular music, changed the rules of popular music, changed how a band was marketed and accepted in popular music, and is as popular today as they were in 1964.

Exactly.

9.) They knew when to pack it in. Although it sucks, and we can sit back and talk on into the night about what if the Beatles had hung around for a little while longer, we have to give props to the fact that they knew when to walk away from it. They left at their peak and left every band in their wake to pick up where they left off. Few did. The Stones released their best output from 1968 - 1972. Pink Floyd took everything into an interstellar overdrive from 1973 - 1979. We saw the advent of progressive rock, heavy metal, punk, glam, and shock rock... And here's the weird part. All of those genres have bands that wouldn't be anywhere without the Beatles:

Progressive Rock - Yes, Rush, King Crimson. All of them cite the Beatles as their favorite band.

Heavy Metal - Black Sabbath. Ozzy considers the Beatles his favorite band.

Punk - Iggy Pop is the godfather of punk and probably the best frontman ever. The Beatles and the Doors are his favorite bands.

Glam - David Bowie. I think we know who his favorite band is.

Shock Rock - Alice Cooper. Cooper regularly cites the Beatles, Beach Boys, and the Yardbirds as his favorites.


Granted the sound was totally different, but, again, without that influence, without that seed of an idea, none of these bands would've gotten anywhere or even started if it wasn't for the Beatles.

Pretty much anyone successful in the music world owes a debt to the Beatles. In fact, the only person that I know of who is a major success in the music business that has stated in the past that he hated the Beatles was James Hetfield of Metallica. Now, as my dad used to say, everyone's entitled to their opinion no matter how fucking stupid it is. James can believe what he wants, and he's an amazing talent in and of himself. And, let's face it, I love Metallica. Their first four albums are magnificent. But at the end of the day, when the Beatles made a movie, they either made us laugh or entertained us with their music. When Metallica made a movie, Lars and James spent the majority of their screen time crying and bitching and going through pop-psyche evaluations. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaame. Metallica Good! Psychoanalysis Baaad!!!!

So, all in all, we can see that if it wasn't for "Le Beatles" the rest of us would be nowhere, man (tee hee! see what I did there? I'm so cute). In fact, it's a good possibility that most of us would be plucking banjos and singing Froggy Went A-Courtin at the county fair thinking that we were doing something brilliant and worth while.

Again, thanks for saving us John, Paul, George, and Ringo. Those of us with taste and a brain appreciate it.



Mike McHone